"Work with the baby you actually have, not the baby the internet tells you you should have."

No one understands what it's like to be a new parent better then- A NEW PARENT! As a new mama in Amsterdam we asked Kathryn McPherson to share some of her sage wisdom from the thick of it.

What was it like finding out you were going to be a parent?

So surreal. We'd been trying for around six months, and then when it happened we were just back from a trip to Scotland, and I was sick with what turned out to be COVID. Due to feeling like a bag of wet socks (jury still out on if it was virus or Penny) I wasn't able to do the cute, secretly-filmed reveal I'd planned - in my dinosaur pyjamas, I presented my husband with a positive pregnancy test, a positive COVID test and went back to bed, where I belonged. It was a solid early lesson that starting a family probably wasn't going to be picture-perfect

What was your biggest fear, and has it come true?

I worried so much about what we might lose by becoming parents, and that what we would gain wouldn't feel worth it. I feared for our independence, our sense of adventure - I also worried about losing myself. I feel really lucky that by making a real effort - though it hasn't always been easy -  to look after each other through the pregnancy and those early months, I've realised just how much we've gained. Penny's been so much more fun and freeing than either of us imagined, and we're both completely obsessed with her. 

Katherine and her mini Penny

What has been the biggest surprise?

You can still do pretty much everything you used to do! You just have to be a little more flexible, a little more prepared and a little more brave. There's a lot of unspoken assumptions about how you're supposed to parent small children - people will always have opinions about everything from breastfeeding in public, taking them to restaurants, and flying - but where there's a will, there's a way. Unless there's an actual rule, and that rule's in place for a reason, go live your lives. 

What has been the biggest support?

The community we chose - friends from home(the UK) and the Prepped to Parent Group here in Amsterdam gave us the unfailing support of people in the same boat, which provided a safe space from the well-meaning but mostly unwanted advice from our families. That, and the kraamzorg. She'd still be coming here every day now if I had my way. 

How is your relationship doing? Any advice? 

We've been lucky in that we haven't turned on each other much through this journey, and have maintained a sense of humour throughout! The big game changer for us was realising that both of us being a little uncomfortable is better than just one of us being completely miserable - you can share so much of this with your partner, and you should.  From the off, my husband and I have split everything when it comes to Penelope. I took 12 weeks off after she was born, he then took 7 weeks with her when I went back to work - the Netherlands' parental leave policies made it possible for us to do it. We've always balanced the feeding, the nights and given each other time off for exercise, haircuts, concerts, whatever - there are no prizes for being a martyr. 

What’s one piece of advice you’d pass on to someone who’s about to join the parent club?

Work with the baby you actually have, not the baby the internet tells you you should have. As long as it works for you as a family, do that, whether IG approves or not.